Maybe you’ve been here before: You went to a great training and received a handy framework for giving feedback. Now it’s time to put it action: you’ve written your “script” and you are READY to deliver some solid feedback.

And then you open your meeting, deliver the feedback and…silence. They have completely shut down. Or worse—defensiveness. 😬

We all know feedback matters. It’s the fuel for growth, the secret sauce to stronger bonds. But here’s the thing: one-way lectures rarely spark growth. We have to ditch the monologue and unlock the magic of two-way feedback conversations.

To be clear, this isn’t a post about ditching the frameworks. They can be really helpful guides! But remember, the real magic happens when we add the human touch: curiosity, empathy, and a genuine desire to see each other thrive. ✨

Here’s how to turn feedback into a conversation that actually lands:

Shift Your Mindset

• Assume positive intent. Remember, your perspective is just one piece of the puzzle. Be open to seeing things differently.

Lead with Curiosity

• Questions are your new best friends. Instead of launching into your pre-written masterpiece, put on your detective hat. Ask, I mean really ask, to understand where they’re coming from. Listen with open ears, not a closed mind. This is where trust takes root.

• Go beyond the surface. Ask probing questions that uncover their motivations and help them see what might not be working. Remember, their perspective – and the reasons behind it – might surprise you.

Acknowledge THEN Pivot

• They were likely trying to help, even if they missed the mark. Help them understand that you see their good intentions. This builds bridges, not walls. Appreciating their effort opens the door to discussing what could be different next time.

• Now, share your perspective. Be clear about what isn’t working, but open to discussion.

Co-Create Next Steps 

• Don’t dictate, collaborate! Brainstorm actionable solutions, share ideas, and make it a collaborative effort. This way, they not only own the change, but feel empowered to make it happen. Be sure to recap key points, define expectations, and offer support moving forward.

This isn’t about being soft. It’s about being smart. Two-way feedback builds trust, fosters growth, and makes work a whole lot more rewarding for everyone. Embrace the dialogue, and watch your feedback become a powerful tool for connection and growth. 💪

To wrap us up, here are a few of my favorite reads that have helped improve my feedback delivery skills over the years:

• Radical Candor by Kim Scott – This super simple framework empowers you to provide direct, honest feedback while maintaining a caring and empathetic approach. It’s also more entertaining than your average “business” book.
• The Fearless Organization by Amy Edmondson – A slightly different approach, this book digs into the vital concept of psychological safety, providing insights and actionable ways to create an environment where team members feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, enabling open and honest feedback conversations. Admittedly a little dry, but SUCH useful info here.
• Crucial Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler – When the toughest of tough conversations require the most thoughtful approach. When I have a SUPER hard conversation coming, I reference trusted old friend, Crucial Conversations. 

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